


time makes you bolder

by lotts (LottieAnna)



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Character Study, Coming of Age, Crushes, M/M, mentions of Mat Barzal and Anthony Beauvillier
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-09
Updated: 2018-01-09
Packaged: 2019-03-02 16:18:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13321908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LottieAnna/pseuds/lotts
Summary: When they first met, John was fifteen, awkward as hell, and exceptionally young for the OHL. Cal was eighteen and started giving him crap the second he stepped into the locker room, and John hadn’t quite gotten his tendency to blush whenever a cute guy teased him yet.“Long time no see, Johnny,” Cal says, and John wonders where the last eight years of his life went, because he’s feeling a lot like he did when he was fifteen.





	time makes you bolder

**Author's Note:**

> IF YOU FOUND THIS THROUGH GOOGLING, KNOW ANYONE MENTIONED IN THIS STORY PERSONALLY, OR ARE MENTIONED YOURSELF: please, please click away. This is a work of fiction and nothing written in this story is true. Any accurate information used in this story is publicly available information about public figures, the rest is made up, 100%.
> 
> Inspired by the fact that Cal Clutterbuck is apparently my exact type, and John Tavares is kind of fascinating. Plus, I really love the New York Islanders.

_2013-2014_

John is twenty-three years old, captain of an NHL team, and generally doing pretty well, except for the fact that Cal Clutterbuck is currently giving him a noogie.

Usually, it’d be, like, whatever. John’s good, so he’s always been the youngest, and this is just a thing that happens. He gets treated like everyone’s younger brother, because it’s the easiest way for guys to balance “he’s a leader and I have to respect him” with “he’s a young kid who’s still got some things to learn about life.” Noogies, overly-affectionate hugs, gleefully buying him drinks while feeding him life advice he didn’t necessarily ask for—it’s their way of saying, “I kinda hate that you’re the boss of me when you’re not even close to being an adult, but you probably deserve this.” John’s a quiet guy who keeps his head down, so he pretends to mind a little bit, but honestly, he’s pretty neutral about it all.

Well, most of the time he’s pretty neutral at least.

The thing is, when they met, John was fifteen, awkward as hell, and exceptionally young for the OHL. Cal was eighteen and started giving him crap the second he stepped into the locker room, and John hadn’t quite gotten his tendency to blush whenever a cute guy teased him yet. He really thought he’d kicked that habit since, except he apparently has not, because right now, he’s very red, and it’s 100% because Cal is teasing him.

“Long time no see, Johnny,” he says, and John wonders where the last eight years of his life went, because he’s feeling a lot like he did when he was fifteen.

“Welcome to the team, man,” John manages to say, then escapes Cal’s grasp and offers him a hand to shake, because he’s gonna be a goddamn professional about this.

“Excited to be here,” Cal says, still grinning, and there’s a second where John’s worried that he’s gonna be pulled in for a hug—which he wouldn’t mind, except for how that would be the absolute last thing he needs right now—but Cal just shakes his hand, even if he does give John a look like he’s only doing it to humor him.

So, John is twenty-three years old, captain of an NHL team, and worried that Cal is going to notice how sweaty his palm is as they shake hands.

If he does, he has the decency to not say anything.

 

_2014-2015_

Cal Clutterbuck is very good-looking.

John used to think that he was just observing something obvious when he thought that, because it’s not like Cal is really his type—he’s usually not into guys with tattoos or facial hair or whatever, but Cal has really nice eyes, and really nice arms, and a general hardworking sensibility that John can’t help but respect.

Also, the mustache, like, seriously works for him.

Like, John never really got the appeal of Tom Selleck until Cal, but now he really, really does. Cal’s a good-looking guy, but the mustache makes him a good-looking _man,_ all mature and protective, and when he gets all focused on his game, John’s knees go kind of weak.

Intellectually, John’s always known that it’s important to respect the fourth line guys who land hard hits and drop gloves when they need to, because they do the grunt work while he gets the spotlight. Cal’s a leader, a team-first guy, and deserves the A on his jersey, and in a professional sense, John appreciates the work he does and his dedication on the ice.

In a non-professional sense, John’s just flat-out into it.

He swoons. John is a twenty-four year old man and he literally swoons, sometimes. It’s a deadly combination of muscles and sweat and a sense of duty, and John’s so fucking attracted to it, and again, it’s never really been John’s thing, but on Cal—

Cal wears it well.

Cal wears it really, really well.

 

_2015-2016_

John’s not the biggest fan of Barclays.

It’s a haul to get there, and it’s really not built for hockey, so the whole rink feels… unwelcoming. The Coli had been far from ideal, but still, John thinks that if they’re trying to be the Long Island hockey team, they should be on Long Island. Brooklyn is technically on Long Island, but still, it’s a subway ride away from Madison Square Garden, and isn’t the best place for Long Island-based fans.

Also, all the fucking Brooklyn jokes. Those are getting old fast.

“I can’t really picture you as a hipster,” Stromer says, and John rolls his eyes.

“You’re hilarious,” John says. “Original, too.”

“I’m serious. Like, even with the glasses and one of those hats—it’d just look weird on you.”

“I think he’d make it work,” says a voice from behind John, and he startles, a little.

“Jesus,” John says, and his face turns red, because of course it does. “Warn a guy.”

“What, scared of me, Johnny?” Cal asks, smiling, and he literally ruffles John’s hair.

John is twenty-five. He’s too old for this shit, probably.

“Quit it,” he says, swatting his hand away, and Cal and Stromer both laugh, because they’re both terrible.

“Sorry, messing with you is too much fun,” Cal says, good-natured. “I seriously think you could pull off that look, though.”

“Johnny the hipster?” Stromer says. “No way. He can’t grow a beard like that.”

John’s about to protest, but Cal cuts in first. “Guy’s got some stubble, going,” he says, and then, because life isn’t fair, he reaches out and strokes a thumb along John’s jawline.

Probably, John should just push him off, but he freezes. His eyes go wide and his mouth goes dry, and John—he’s gotta be imagining the way Cal’s expression goes from teasing to something else, or the way his hand lingers for a second longer than it should.

(The thing is, when John was 16, he’d tried to kiss Cal, and Cal had backed away, and it was, like, whatever. They’d both been drunk, and John had probably been drunker, and Cal had made the right, responsible choice.

That hadn’t made it hurt any less, at the time, but he got over it quickly enough.

Anyway, John doesn’t know why his brain is choosing this moment right now to bring up that particular embarrassing memory, but it is.)

“Yeah, I should shave,” John says, backing away, and he tries not to miss the feeling of Cal’s hand on his face. Instead, he plays to his strengths and puts on a thoroughly neutral expression. “Otherwise I’ll end up looking like you.”

Stromer snorts. “That was some classic JT chirping.”

“You say classic, I say tired,” Cal says. “Guy’s had the same sense of humor for the whole decade I’ve known him.”

“Never said I was trying to be funny,” John says, and Cal just gently punches his shoulder before he wanders off, and once he’s gone, John allows himself a small, pleased smile.

 

_2016-2017_

“Hey,” Cal says, walking up to the bar, and John looks up from his phone.

“Hi,” John says. “Did you talk to him?”

Cal nods.

“How is he?” John asks.

“I mean.” Cal shrugs. “More or less what you’d expect. Pretty embarrassed, totally trashed.”

“Did he tell you what happened?”

“Yeah,” Cal says. “I told him that you wouldn’t hold it against him. These things happen.”

“He’s a good kid,” John says.

“He is,” Cal agrees, and then he smiles. “Honestly, I’m surprised this hasn’t happened to you before.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” John asks.

Cal shrugs. “Half the new guys are at least a little in love with you.”

“Shut up,” John says, rolling his eyes and trying not to focus on the way his face get a little warm at that.

“It’s a hero-worship thing,” Cal says, chuckling. “Rookie crush on the captain, y’know? They look up to you a lot.”

“Well, that’s… flattering, I guess,” John says.

“Like you’ve never noticed,” Cal says.

“Not really,” John says, honest.

“Huh,” Cal says. “Well, they get over it pretty fast.”

“Probably for the best,” John says, because he’s twenty-six years old, but he still remembers what it was like to be the youngest on the team. He knows that the admiration from wide-eyed rookies fades over time, so he does everything in his power to make sure that when it does, it gives way to genuine respect and trust.

“You’re a good captain, Johnny,” Cal says, and he’s standing a little closer than John had expected him too, but not in a bad way. He’s not pushing any boundaries, just testing them, and John kinda likes it.

“Only took you three years to say so,” John says.

Cal laughs. “What can I say, you get better with age.”

John’s not quite used to feeling old, because he’s pretty sure he was barely an adult very recently, but now, he’s a role model for a lot of younger guys. He went from young talent to seasoned leader, at some point, and that’s an adjustment he’s been preparing for his whole life, but it still seems like it happened without him noticing.

“We should make sure the kid gets home safe,” John says.

“I’ll take care of it,” Cal says. “I don’t think he’s ready to face you yet.”

“Let me know when he’s in a cab,” John says. “And don’t let the guys give him too much crap for this when he sobers up.”

“Don’t worry, he’ll be able to make eye contact with you again in no time,” Cal says.

John sometimes thinks it’s kind of ridiculous that he’s trusted Cal Clutterbuck for ten years, but honestly, Cal’s earned that trust, on more than one occasion. He’s a good leader, and he’s also a good person to lead with, and John’s pretty lucky to have learned both of those things from experience.

 

_2017-2018_

It takes five years of captaincy, but eventually, John is twenty-seven years old, and finally feels like he’s on solid ground.

It feels a little bit like it could be the end of things, too.

They’ve got a new arena deal, which is nice, but John’s in the middle of free agency negotiations, and for the first time, he’s not sure about his future with the team, so he tries to ignore those worries and focus on the present.

“Hey, the boxing video is up, if you wanna watch,” Cal says.

John walks over to the table and sits down, placing a mug of peppermint tea in front of him. “Boxing video?”

“The one where we pranked Barz, way back when?” Cal says. “You pretended you didn’t think it was funny?”

“It wasn’t funny,” John says, and it’s a total lie, because he’d cracked up when Cal first sent it to him. He has an image to maintain, though.

Cal takes a sip. “You’re a terrible liar, Johnny.”

“I’m not lying,” John says. “Play it.”

“You owe me big time if you laugh,” Cal says.

In the video, Cal looks almost bored, throwing punches expertly, and it’s a little funny next to Barz, who has this focused look on his face the entire time, like he’s gonna be tested on this. John’s never been one for initiating pranks, but he kind of understands why they’d want to get Barz to loosen up a bit. He’s got the same need to prove himself that every talented rookie has, and he’s practically vibrating with excitement the entire video. Messing with him is their way of welcoming the new kid to the team.

And it is funny, because it’s harmless and dumb and the perfect kind of prank for someone who’s really young and really good, and Barz doesn’t even seem that upset or embarrassed.

John cracks a smile.

“Yeah, nice try, but it’s still not funny,” he says. “You just wanted to watch that so you could show off your uppercut.”

“Maybe.” Cal shrugs. “Did it work?”

John rolls his eyes, knows he’s blushing a little too much and smiling a little too fondly, but Cal tends to wear his heart on his sleeve, so John figures he has a pass to do the same. “You’re not gonna fool me into thinking you’re smooth, I’ve known you for too long.”

“I’m not trying to fool you into anything,” Cal says. “Just trying to impress the captain.”

“I’ve seen you throw plenty of punches,” John says.

“So does that mean you’re not impressed?” Cal says.

John looks down at his hands on the table; he feels a little bit like a teenager again, but he’s not actually a teenager, he’s a grown man who’s perfectly capable of pushing this conversation in the direction they both want it to go.

“It means that you don’t have to try very hard to impress me,” John says, and he’s kind of nervous, but ready to handle it.

Cal smiles, and there are butterflies in John’s stomach, but that’s old news, at this point.  

**Author's Note:**

> -untagged things: mentions of adolescent crushes, a few references to younger characters trying to kiss older characters but getting turned down (16yo and a 19yo, & 19yo and a 26yo).
> 
> -[the boxing video](https://www.msgnetworks.com/videos/weidmans-world-throwing-punches-with-islanders/)


End file.
